Naruto bloopers
by cookies worst nightmare
Summary: Stuff about the naruto gang that you might not have known about before. Some for them are Really good and they are in no order. I don't own Naruto
1. Why naruto's so dumb

I've had this idea for some time now, and I'm off my lazy ass and doing it. If anyone out there wants to know when I'm going to update my FMA stories, I'll tell you. I have no idea. I might do it right after I finish this chapter. I'll shut up now.

I don't own Naruto in any way, shape or form

Naruto – deleted scene #1

Why Naruto is so dumb

The fourth Hokage was standing on the frog boss, holding a newborn baby. _'Holy crap, will this baby ever shut-UP!' _He thought with one eye twitching.

Just then, Kyuubi let out a load roar and started charging to attack him.

The fourth lifted up Naruto and was about to do the hand signs when he dropped Naruto, head first, to the forest 100 feet below.

"O F!" The hokage said.

"Eh?" Said the frog dude whose name I do not know. He picked up poor little Naruto.

"Erm, thank" The hokage said, whose name I'm not sure of, but I think it Yoimade, or something along those lines.

"Just get on with it" Mr. Frog said

"Right…" He then did the hand signs, and, well, you know the rest. And that's why Naruto dumb as a rock.

A/N: Short, retarded, crapy? No need to state the obvious. Any idea will must likely lead to a faster update. This might just end up as a one shot.


	2. Beer and karaoke

I saw this was on someone's alert list, so I decided to continue this ) As for the idea, not even Izanami (Japanese goddess) knows where I got it.

Warning: NarutoxSasuke

Beer and karaoke and sex, oh my!

Kakashi was running as fast as possible. Sasuke and Naruto got into a fight. A serious one. He stopped dead in his tracks. He found where that battle took place, but it seems it was going south. He followed it till it led into a brewery storage room.

"Well this will be interesting…" He said walking into the hole what Sasuke and Naruto made.

_((Insert music lyrics cause it's against the rules to put in lyrics))._

There was Naruto and Sasuke, both VERY drunk, singing. They both had their arms over each other's shoulders.

"You're a good," HICUP "Singler (For any of you who don't get it, the beer impaired their speech)" Sasuke said, struggling to stay standing up.

"Why thank yous sexy" Naruto said, falling down.

"Wanna havez some randum sex?" Sasuke said.

"youz bet"

With that They started having random hot Yoai sex. Kakashi took out his cell phone, took some pictures, and walked away giggling.

Sorry Yoai fan girls, that's the end.


	3. monster in the closet

I need to start posting these chapters….

Monster in the closet

"Why do I have to do this" Sasuke complained

"I don't like it anymore then you do. Kakashi is making us do this, remember?" Naruto replied.

"Yeah, I remember, but spending 3 hours at you house isn't gonna help anything" Sasuke said.

"We're here" Naruto said in front of a run-down apartment.

"Why does this place smell like piss?" Sasuke said, covering his nose.

Naruto chose to ignore the question and walked inside. "This is the living room" Naruto said walking into the pee-scented house. "Kitchen…bedroom…bathroom…and the forbidden room" Naruto said giving the tour of his house.

Sasuke raised a brow at the last room. "Forbidden, huh? What's in it?"

Naruto's place suddenly got serious, "Nothing you need to worry about" He said and went to the kitchen with his smile back in place. Of curse Sasuke couldn't resist the call of the forbidden room. It was attached to his bedroom, and look like it might be a closet. It had chains and locks all around it though.

Sasuke, being the ninja that he was, easily pick-locked the locks. He grinned his grin of victory and opened the door. Not too many thing scary Sasuke, he was a Uchiha. And Uchiha's don't get scared. However this scared him. This closet seemed to go a long ways back and was very dark. The carpet war torn, which looked like claws did it. Big claws. And there were human bones all over the ground. And to top it all off, there was a low growling noise. By this time, Sasuke was so pale, you'd mistake him an albino.

In a blink of an eye, a big, hairy, orange monster jumped out and attacked with a rusty spork.

"OH MY GAWD! AHHHHHH!" Sasuke screamed. Just then Naruto ran in with a broom and started hitting it.

"BAD MR. FLUFFY-KINS! BAD!" Naruto said, hitting the monster. The monster slowly backed in the closet. Once it was fully in the closet Naruto locked the locks.

"What the hell what that thing!" Sasuke yelled.

"You know how little kids think that there are monsters in their closets?"

"Yeah"

"There really are monsters in their closets. Since I didn't have anyone to hide behind, I decided to face mine." Naruto said proudly.

"So you keep it as a pet?" Sasuke asked, looking at Naruto like he was crazy, which he is.

"Yep! His name is Mr. Fluffy-kins"

"And why are there human bones in there?"

"Those are robbers, and who have tried to kill me"

"Wait, there really are monsters in closets? AHHHHH! THE PURPLE GOOSE IT'S REAL!" Sasuke said running away.

Fin

I got the idea of the monster from **Dating 101 for the unawares **by **Sekra**.

Don't read it if you don't like Yaoi.


	4. Damsel in distress

I'm putting a bunch of oneshots into this, and gonna call it Naruto Bloopers again.

O and I don't own Naruto in any way, size, or form.

Warning: Neji bashing!

Damsel In Distress

"Come on Sasuke-kun, let's play ninja!" Sakura said, grabbing Sasuke's arm.

"Instead of pretending to be ninjas, why don't you actually train to be one" Sasuke said, scoffing at the idea and leaving.

"Great idea!" Sakura said and followed Sasuke, along with all the other girls, with the exception of Hinata, who was working up the courage to go play with Naruto.

"Well that's just great! Now who's gonna be the damsel in distress?" Kiba said with a bark from Akamaru.

Everyone turned to Neji.

"What?" Neji said. Everyone got evil smiles on their faces and walked closer to poor Neji.

He tried to run, but they grabbed him before he could. "Nooooooooo!" Neji said as he got dragged off into an ally way. As I'm sure you want imagine, people were starring. Some even whispered stuff regarding Mickal Jackson.

------10 minutes later------

"Now lets get started" A random kid said after tying Neji to a pole. With that the kids started the game.

"I'm not gonna play with you guys anymore…" Neji said with his head held low.

End

I know, I know, it short. I started this, then left it for a month. I'm gonna go read fic now.


	5. Garra's little secrect

I've had this stuck in my head for a long time now. Hope you like it. Gaara basking I guess, but it's a happy ending, even for Gaara.

Gaara's little secret

It was a nice and peaceful day in Konoha. That is until a streak of orange and yellow went running by running at what must have been 300 MPH (miles per hour), followed by the one and only Gaara.

"Damnit! Naruto I swear, if you tell one soul I'll kill you!"

"HAHAHAHA you'll HAHAHA have to HAHAHA catch me first HAAHAHA"

Naruto was on a mission to spy on the sound. He just got back with some juicy blackmail, and even a hostage.

Naruto ran all the way to the training grounds, where his team was.

"What the Hell!" Sasuke said as Naruto fell down right at his feet, laughing.

"Guess HAHAHA what!"

"Do you have anything info on the sand?" Kakiaha said with great curiosity.

"Do I ever, I've learned Gaara's greatest weakness!"

"Really?" It was Sakura's turn to join in.

"Yeah! Gaara-"

"If you say anything, I'll kill you" Gaara said slowly walking closer to Naruto.

"Well, if you kill me, then I'll just have to hurt Mr. Fuzzy-wuzzy-kins" Naruto said, which made Gaara stop in his tracks.

"Mr. Fuzzy-wuzzy-kins?…" Sasuke asked/said.

Naruto wiped a tear (from laughing) from his eye and took out something from his bag. It was a beat up, old teddy bear.

"Meet Mr. Fuzzy-wuzzy-kins" Naruto said holding the bear up for all to see.

"Meet the grim weeper" Gaara said with sand pouring out of the gourd.

"Ok, I'm sure he'll just love to meet Mr. Fuzzy-wuzzy-kins" Naruto said putting kunai up to Mr. Fuzzy-wuzzy-kins' neck. This made the sand retreat. All Of team 7 was holding in laughter, that is, up until then. Everyone was rolling around laughing, even Sasuke (le gasp!).

Gaara was not having fun, to say the least. He ran up grabbed Mr. Fuzzy-wuzzy-kins, and walked off.

It's been 3 hours since then, and the sun was setting. Gaara was holding Mr. Fuzzy-wuzzy-kins while sitting by a river.

Someone was walking towards him, but he already knew who it was.

Naruto sat down next to him.

"Why do you keep Mr. Fuzzy-wuzzy-kins anyway?" Naruto asked, a bit of sadness in his voice.

"Because he's the only one who doesn't run" Gaara said, head held low.

"I don't run" Naruto said. At this Gaara looked at him.

"Is it because you understand?"

"Yeah"

"…does this mean we're…friends?" Gaara asked.

"Friends" with that Gaara smiled. Not an evil smile, a little nice smile.

Fin


	6. Why ninja's don't have cell phones

I came up with this while reading a Naruto fic with cell phones.

Why Ninjas don't have cell phones

Lee's team was getting ready to attack the target. They were on a b ranked mission, so they needed to be careful.

"On the count of three…1…2…_RING_!" Lee's cell phone started to play the Barny theme song as a ring-tone.

"What the hell…" The target said once he saw lee in a three trying to turn off his cell phone.

"Turn off, Turn off, Turn off, WHY WON"T YOU TURN OFF!" Lee said, now shaking cell. A kunai thrown by the target shut it up.

"RUN!" lee's team said at the same time, and ran off.

Fin

Why lee? I don't like picking on Naruto.


	7. Mark of the kyuubi

I thought this up reading "The Naruto kids and the internet". Don't ask, my mind works in weird ways. I'm gonna start this in a chat room.

Mark of the Kyuubi

Ramon eating fox 374 has signed on 

**Sasuke's blossom92 has **signed** on**

**Itachi's killer101 has **signed** on**

**Ramon eating fox 374: **Hey Sakura-Chan

**Sasuke's blossom92: **Hi Sasuke, Naruto

**Itachi's killer101:**…

**Ramon eating fox 374: **Hey Sasuke, there always something I wanted to ask you, but I knew that you would beat the crap out of me when I did. But now I can 

**Itachi's killer101: **then I'll sing off now

**Ramon eating fox 374: **W8! Don't you want to know if you're someone's property?

**Itachi's killer101: **No, cause I know that I'm not. What makes you think I'm someone's Property?

**Ramon eating fox 374: **From some one I know. Now go to your bathroom, and look at your ass.

**Itachi's killer101: **no…

**Sasuke's blossom92: **Naruto, what's has gotten into you today?

**Ramon eating fox 374: **Come on Sasuke! Just do it!

**Itachi's killer101: **fine

**Itachi's killer101 has singed off**

**Sasuke's blossom92: **Naruto, what was that about?

**Ramon eating fox 374: **I just wanted to see something

**Sasuke's blossom92: **Naruto, you're a guy, what can you find interesting about sasuke's ass?

**Ramon eating fox 374:** Scars

**Sasuke's blossom92: **huh?

**Itachi's killer101 has singed on**

**Itachi's killer101: **WTF IS THAT?

**Ramon eating fox 374:**OMG! It's really there?

**Itachi's killer101: **yeah, now mind explaining why there a scar that says 'property of Kyuubi' on my ass?

Ramon eating fox 374: When you were only a few months old, you were crying more then any other baby in Konoha, so Kyuubi came over and tried to shut you up. But you parents didn't like that, so Kyuubi wrote that and then you passed out from loosing a lot of blood 


	8. Seals

Pairing: None

Warnings: OCC

It was a normal day in Suna. Temari and Kankuro just got up and were eating breakfast. As usual, Gaara came walking in. Now here is when thing started getting messed up.

"You know I love you, Temari" Gaara said with the smallest hint of kindness in his voice. And then, he hugged her.

Temari sat there with her mouth wide open, pure shock in her eyes, and her egg fell of her fork and onto the floor. Kankuro, who was unfourently pouring coffee at the time, start pouring the scolding hot onto his manhood. And to top thing off, he had passed out with his hand was resting on the table, STILL pouring scolding hot coffee on his manhood.

"You know, I hear Uzumaki can sleep, and do other human stuff. This is because he has a seal that's a lot better then mine"

"Umm….o-ok…" Temari said, VERY freaked out.

"I have the scroll that teaches this Jutsu right here" Gaara said, putting a scroll on the table.

"Isn't it a forbidden Jutsu?" Temari said, almost fully recovered.

"…Maybe…"

"And what's that red stuff on it?"

I, uh, was teaching little kids it right after the finger painted, yeah, that's it"

" You were teaching little kids a forbidden Jutsu?"

"Yes, yes I was" Gaara said. Temari then opened the scroll and started reading it.

"It says that the user will die"

"Temari, do you love me with all your heart?"

"…"

"Good, so will you do me a big favor?"

"No…"

"Great, I'll get the stuff needed to perform the Jutsu."


End file.
